Monday, October 29, 2007

Translating to English from Chinese, via Sanskrit

Ah instruction manuals, to be precise flat-pack style self-assembly manuals or in this case sheets. Yep a delightful attempt in putting up some shelves in the bathroom, the pipe types that go floor to ceiling.

Open the box, pull everything out and make sure you've got everything - Upper Tube (A), tick; Middle Tubes x2 (B), tick; Adjustment Tube (C), tick; Rings x4 (D), nope loose and x3 meh I only need three shelves; (E) tick; (F) tick, End Cap (G), um which one, is this (G) or End Cap (H)? The picture doesn't help ah well I've got two so who cares; everything else, tick.

Fit (K) to base tube, what base tube? Ah got to be (C) neither the words nor the illustration show (C). Slide (I) onto the pipe, (I)'s tapered which way should it go? Um this way? Move onto sliding the shelves into place, put down tube (C) and watch part (I) slide off as there's nothing to stop it at either end.

Slide shelves onto (B) starting at the bottom, which is the bottom? Slide on holding clip (E) and Ring (A). Realise you've got them on upside down and start again.

Go back to tube (C) put (I) back on and now discover which End Cap it is, push (J) into (G) slide (J) onto (C) and then screw in place. At least (I) doesn't slide off now, well not from one end at least.

Put all the pieces together and attempt to position. Swear at middle pieces as they don't lock into place and keep sliding off each other. Jam one tube into the ceiling and the other into the floor, hold into position as you attempt to rotate the smooth steel tube using only your fingertips as it fits into a corner. Give up and try to use your whole hand - skin knuckles. Swear as the middle sections separate again. Re-fit everything, tighten it up, swear as it starts to fall down. Tighten it up again, and sigh with relief as it now stays put and seems stable.

Repeat with second shelf, but ignoring the instructions. So much easier.

Next up was some cane furniture. Out came the pieces and then checking. Hmm the instruction sheet is for a wicker-work two-seater, not a cane two-seater; might be generic. Certain pieces not there and an extra piece, joy! But all the pieces to make the cane furniture are there and so are all the screws.

Take an arm piece and screw in the back panel. Okay this is the left arm and this is the right, and err this is the front panel and this the back (the front panel being more ornate). Yep back panel in place, now for the front panel. The screws don't reach the thread, great. Tum-te-tum much to-ing and fro-ing and consultation. Realise that the back panel is the front panel and the front the back, everything now fits. Repeat with two single seaters

Sooo much fun.