The saga of Liz Jones

The Daily Quail does a delightful little spoof on the latest outpourings from The Daily Mail's Liz Jones. For those fortunate enough not to have encountered her writings before she seems to make a habit of pointing out how terrible everything is, or at least how terrible everything appears to be from her five-star hotel's balcony just before she rushes off to another important power-meeting or rare-oil massage.

Seriously you don't need to even rewrite her stuff to spoof it.

Just because I had riding lessons didn't mean my family had any money. I was always mortified that the only proper 'kit' I owned was a pair of second-hand cord jodhpurs and a velvet hard hat that was so precious I kept it enveloped in plastic all week.

How terrible for you only being able to afford riding lessons.

We walked over to her. Lizzie immediately put her head straight up, like a llama, and galloped towards us. It was as if she had been waiting for me. She nuzzled my trousers, and I gave her the organic M&S carrot batons I had brought with me.

'Because I've been abroad and seen llamas in real life' note also the casual (hah) mention of the carrots, oh no these aren't ordinary carrots these are M&S organic carrots... for the horse.

We think she has been beaten up by a man, mistreated and then tossed aside because they couldn't handle her,' said the woman.

Dear little gods subtext much?

I think of the words a psychic healer had once said to me.

Oh dear.

And finally a run-down of her 'family' - A sheepdog, two horses, two ponies, three hens and three lambs; wait sorry did I mention that one of the horses had obviously been badly looked after, that one of the ponies had probably been "kicked him in his ribs and then abandoned" by chavey children, the other pony had a broken hip, the chickens used to be battery hens and the lambs are of the rare Shetland breed. Getting the picture? Oh and she also obviously has several cats as one is pictured, but presumably they were never once owned by an alcoholic who used to kick them around so they don't get named.

Not only does she get paid for writing this type of stuff in the Mail, but this particular article is an extract from her new book. I truly weep for our species.