Methuselahian drivers

It's a Friday that means dropping someone off in town as I pass through. Of course there was a bus parked at the High Street stop; not that I stop there that would be against the dictates of the Highway code me not being a taxi and all; but it means that I can't stay in the left-hand lane because the bus is there. Oh sure there's a indent for the bus to park, but as mentioned it was cleverly designed and built not to accommodate buses.

Anyway as usual I park jest next to the Wheatsheaf. Cars can still get out of that junction and disabled drivers pull into the bays before me, yes I'm blocking the left-hand lane, but the number of people who are normally using it at this point can be counted on the fingers of one head; besides there's a bus in the way.

So 10 seconds later I'm trying to pull out back into the right-hand lane and a queue is backing up from the Vale Road junction; normally this is good because by the time it reaches me the traffic about to join think "What the hell" and let me out to sit at its end; not today. I watch the queue stop just past me then watch two cars pull up opposite me. Oh look there's a wonking great gap behind them gee how useful I could reverse down High Street to pull in there yeesh.

Anyway the queue moves forward and the reason for the gap becomes obvious - it's a Methuselah. Now the gap is just short enough and he's driving just fast enough for not to be able to pull out with any degree of certainty that I wouldn't cause him to alter his speed. However he's also travelling slowly enough that the gap behind him is narrowing as all the cars catch up.

So I hone up my reflexes and get ready to slip out behind him as he passes me, at which point he slows down thank you, thank you very much. I still manage to get out mainly I think because the white van behind him has worked out he's following someone who thinks 15mph is 'pushing it' and wants nothing to do with him.

So I'm stuck behind the cloth capped guy in the plaid short-sleeved shirt whose side mirror is displaying an elbow; what he can see behind him using it is anyone's guess - my roof I'm betting.

So we reach the bend and someone's trying to get out of Lickhill Road and use the right-hand lane, which of course they can't do due to the left-hand lane waiting on Vale Road (in turn waiting on the infamous Gilgal). As this is a queue I normally let them out, which I do, or try to because Methuselah has a turning circle of a mile and his rear-end is sticking out into that lane. He finally shuffles forward 5 seconds after everyone else does and they manage to get out and I join the queue.

It's backed up along Vale Road and past the Mitton Street splitter which happens occasionally. We've four vehicles trying to join Vale Road from Mitton Street who despite not wanting to use that lane are, like us, blocked by it. Oh and yes once again they have right-of way over two of those lanes.

The traffic moves forward and the car before Meth has managed to slip in and the rest of the stuck queue move forward to get into the middle lane. At which point Meth sticks his nose out into the second lane and forces his way before that traffic into the queue and leaves his rear-end stuck out again blocking them all until everything moves forward again. Please note no-body knew he was going to do this indicators being for the weak. I sadly end up behind him again.

We finally reach Gilgal and praise be a gap is about to form in the constant stream of traffic from the lights. Meth slows down in order to slip in behind it, just as I would, makes the corner and then slows down again just as I'm following him. I get out, the car behind not being as fortunate despite that there would have been enough time for him. Oh and no Meth didn't indicate here either.

Down Gilgal and past the awkwardly parked van blocking half the left-hand lane screwing everyone up. Round the corner, over the bridge and up to the island. Where Meth slows down to about 5mph in order to see what's coming. This of course doesn't work because, as mentioned elsewhere, you can't see what's coming even if you stop. As Michael George sang you have to have faith when you venture out.

Meth pulls out and causes a car on the next exit to come to a stop, because he assumed that Meth was going straight on, a safe assumption given that once again Meth isn't indicating.

Oh gods I'm still behind him. Trundling at 20mph through the 30mph; we finally hit the 50mph where we reach the giddy heights of 30mph.

[Additional - Damn it I forgot to add what he was doing along this 50mph. He would slowly drift towards the middle line, before 'waking up' and shifting a little bit quicker back to the middle before slowly drifting back out again. Repeat for the entire stretch]

Compulsory re-examination of anyone over 70? Yes please. Start with the Toyota, registration J865 DWP.