Monday, May 17, 2010

That Liz Jones

Via Angry Mob.

Oh woe is me here I am on a six figure salary and I'm whining that I'm over my overdraft limit and can't afford food and not one of my 'friends' has dropped by with a nice bottle of £50+ wine and an invitation to pay for a trip to a nice spa. Not even an email or a text to acknowledge my plight.

Some people think that just because I'm writing for a newspaper, a magazine, columns etc. that I have a ton of money and should pay for everything, but all that money is eaten up by interest payments on my big house, my BMW, my expensive handbags, my trips to spas, the animals I rescue. It's not easy being me.

Such decisions to make as I check my "Burberry wallet" and "calculated I could buy one bottle of cava or ten cans of dog food. I plumped for the latter, although the decision took a while." Yes for once I decided that the animals I'd taken in deserved to eat more than I needed to drink, how unselfish of me and that got me thinking of all the other unselfish things I'd done. That "Bottega Veneta clutch, a £6,000 antique chest of drawers from Nicole Farhi" all bought for other people "all the money I’ve wasted in the past".

But this is the worst  my sheep dog Michael needs a cyst removed from his eye, Grace Kelly my other dog needs to be spayed, my pony Dream is on medication, Jess my other dog needs could develop an infection. Benji my other horse needs inoculations and one of my chickens needs looking at. Worse yet I'm being called by some "nasty northern man" from American Express.

But it's so lucky I have you my dear readers remember you may only earn £46 a week but you can still buy me a lottery ticket, £20 will buy me a bottle of wine; that pensioner's £50 win on the Premium Bonds is so welcome. And remember once I'm back on my feet you can read all about my life of spas, rescuing animals, and looking down on you in this very newspaper that I'm paid far, far more money then you'd ever see in a lifetime to write for.

Once again thank-you for restoring my faith in people giving me money for so little effort on my part.