Diana axed from Royal History

The Daily Express voices its outrage over the new biography of the Queen Mother stating that it was was "condemned as a whitewash" by critics for failing to reference Her Holiness Princess of Hearts Diana on every page. Instead readers were condemned to read boring information about the second biggest crisis to hit the monarchy since Charles I and about the Queen Mother herself rather than titillating gossip about current royal family members.

Purchasers were left in confusion after picking up this 'very heavy newspaper' and finding no gossip, scandal or long-distance photographs of royals up to no good.

John from London told us 'I saw something about Royal on the front and assumed it was a Daily Express special edition featuring a 'what would Diana look like now had she not been murdered' photo. Turns out it's about someone I've never heard off going on about some bird called Simpson and a bloke called Edward Viii who sounds a bit foreign to me with a surname like that, glad he left they should all bleedin' leave shouldn't they'.

Julie from London also stated 'I picked it up for all the juicy gossip and find it was all 50 years out of date how can I impress my friends with my inside knowledge with that?'

Jules from London was also disappointed 'This biography could have been so much better if they cut out the bits about the Queen Mother's life and just filled it with speculation about what she thought about Our Diana's murder, Harry's Nazi uniform, and whether [...] really did get [...] to put his [...] in his mouth'.