Thursday, November 05, 2009

Windows 7 UK adverts

The US ones were by all accounts horrendous, the UK versions are... I don't know, patronising, terrible?

Here's a Youtube link to the Crystal's version and the Ramin's version.

Transcript with my original thoughts in []:

Hi I'm Crystal. Not long ago I had a thought
[Oh god that's too easy sigh... First one of the decade was it?]
Right in the back of a taxi
[Take that out of context and use as a soundbite to haunt her for the rest of her life.]
'Using a PC should be simpler.'
[By the gods the woman's a genius]
So I told Microsoft
[and they told me to bugger off]
and look at this, Windows 7 with this new taskbar.
[Oh great instead of just showing us what we've got open we get to play memorise the icon]
Now I can see everything I have open.
[So long as you run the mouse over it as you can with Vista, and various other non-Microsoft interfaces]
It's just miles simpler.
[No not really]
I told them what to do and they did it. I could really get used to this.
[Now there's a healthy attitude]
Onwards Driver.
[Definitely a healthy attitude]
I'm a PC
[No, no you're not]
and Windows 7 was my idea.
[So now you know who to blame]

Hi my name's Ramin
[Hi Ramin]
Not too long ago I had a little brainwave
[Waves back at brain]
Right here
[Right Now?]
on this treadmill. I said 'Make my PC simpler'.
[By the gods the man's a genius]
So I told Microsoft
[and they asked if you could vague that up a bit for them]
and before you know it Windows 7 and this snap feature. Now I'm working on a couple of things at the same time
[Show-off oo look at me I'm multi-tasking]
I pull one to the left - snap. I pull one to the right - snap.
[and then after I'd broken his arms I kicked 'im inna fork]
[Yeah I suppose, much simpler than right-clicking the task-bar and choosing "Show Windows Side by Side" which works with more than two things]
Just like I said
[He's right he said "Make my PC simpler" which I translated to "Allow me to stack windows side-by side by just moving them"]
I think I'm a genius
[Well so long as you think that]
I'm going to walk away with my genius now
[on a little lease]
I'm a PC
[No, you're not either]
Windows 7 was my idea.
[Wait was it your idea or Crystal's? Only one way to find out... FIGHT!]

Perhaps it's reverse psychology. Produce such bad adverts that everyone talks about them?


Orphi said...

You know how Unix was a hacker's OS, designed by hackers for hackers? (Which is why it assumes you know what you're doing and provides no feedback of any kind whatsoever.)

Well, maybe Windows 7 is designed for complete drooling retards? (After all, that's gotta be a pretty profitable demographic, surely? There's enough of them!)

Then again, seen any Apple adverts recently?

FlipC said...

Unix - the answer to the question "Why don't we get the programmers to write the manuals?" ;-)

It always amuses how they push it though 'Hey now it's even easier to use than the last version' So will it run all my current applications? Maybe. Will it work with all my current hardware? Maybe. Also, of course, the unspoken equality of 'Simpler' and 'Hide things'.

As for the Apple ads, "I'm an Apple, I'm a PC" I'm a snob who wants to spend around twice as much on a computer that limits my ability (thus choice) to use off-shelf software, but isn't it shiny!

Orphi said...

The principle advantage of Unix over Windows is reliability and configurability. You can make it do just about anything. The principle problem is that it's designed to be operated by experts.

I used to hate Windows so much. I used to dream that Linux would be the answer. But no, even Linux isn't as good as AmigaOS. Reliable, sure. Usable? Nah.

I'd like to try MacOS some day. If only to find out what it's like. I actually kinda like the idea of a Mac. But the price tag is just too high. And while the system might be superior in certain ways, that doesn't mean I have to like the Apple product adverts.

(For example, the advert who's express purpose is to show you how simple the iPhone is to use. In particular, it shows you how few steps it takes to do various tasks — with a little caption saying “some steps removed”. So the entire premis is this ad is actually a lie then?)

Sadly, we live in a world where Micro$oft exists. Unfortunately they have succeeded in convincing the general populus that it is normal for computers to be unreliable and to not work properly. And now everybody can get away with this, and there's no incentive to produce quality software any more.

Sometimes I long for simpler times…

FlipC said...

Well the Simplicity PCs use a variant of Linux so it's possible to get an easy to use version; but like the Mac it does so by controlling the hardware.

MacOS... just never got on with it, if I'd come to it first rather than Windows then maybe it'd be different.

Yes I laugh at the iPhone and now the Sony Ericsson ads that add in an equivalent of "What we're doing on the screen isn't what you'll be able to do in the same way"

And you give the argument as to why unfettered capitalism isn't necessarily the best option. Once someone manages to dominate a market any competition has a) to be a large degree better to convince people to switch and/or b) work with the dominating product.

Orphi said...

“The OS market is a Boss-Einstien condensate.”

Anonymous said...

Ha, good improvisation!

We made a Christmas spoof of the ads.

Merry Xmas!

FlipC said...

Thanks. Much as I hate to encourage viral marketeers that was actually pretty good.

Damn the way my brain works - I've just flashed from Lord Alan of Sugar firing the elves through to "My name is Michael Cain and blowing the bloody doors off was my idea" oh deary deary me.

Unknown said...

Sure, sure... Very clever. But let's get to the heart of the matter. If you guys truly are brilliant, give me the name of the actress from the "flashback". The one w/ grey / green eyes.

RAPman said...

This commercial is still being shown here in the good ol' US of A. I love the way Crystal pronounces "simpler" (It's just miles simpler.), though I swear when she says "Onwards, driver." it sounds like "Onwhich, driver." She looks to have a bit more meat on her bones than she needs but I wouldn't mind taking a taxi ride with her.

FlipC said...

I find that quite surprising. I mean we're used to getting overdubbed European adverts and American voiced adverts (mostly for toys), but having a British voiced commercial playing in the USA makes me wonder why?

So you get the others including the new 20 second ones?