Friday, April 16, 2010

Dust Cloud 2: The Volcano's Revenge

You almost have to feel sorry for the leaders of the three majority parties. There they are making UK history in the first televised debate ever, and they get bumped off the top slot by a cloud of dust.

Although I understand why they did it, it still would have been nice if the audience could have asked questions if only for someone to comment on this and ask "All this disruption caused by a dust cloud what have you got to say for yourselves?"

Sounds silly, after all what could anyone have done about it? Except remember it's impossible for a politico trying to enter/retain High Office to admit that something, anything is beyond their capabilities to deal with. As such here are my imagined responses:

Labour: Although this situation is serious and this government is taking every step necessary to alleviate this condition it is important to remember that in real terms the number of dust clouds entering UK airspace under a Labour government are substantially fewer in number and severity than those that occurred under a Conservative government.

Conservative: Under a Conservative government this eventuality would have been planned for and talking to businesses we would have found alternatives to put in place so that you the hard-working men and women of this country wouldn't suffer. This is typical Labour, thinking only of the now and not planning for the future.

Liberal Democrat: Should we be put into office one of the first things we'll do is introduce a new levy on airports and airlines to fund alternative means of transport to ensure that this country doesn't grind to a halt as it has done under a Labour government.

and just for more fun:

Green: How dependent we have become on our fuel-guzzling pollution-emitting airlines that a simple and natural occurrence should bring this country to a halt. This would not have happened under a Green government as all long-distance overseas travel would occur by giant eco-friendly kayaks.

SNP: This is a situation that affects Scotland most of all and Scotland could have dealt with it by now if it weren't for the interfering English parliament holding us back.

Plaid Cymru: A dust cloud you say. Yes that sounds pretty bad, let us know how you get on with that would you? [translated from the original Welsh]

UKIP: This is merely vindication for our policies on immigration. Had they been implemented this foreign dust cloud would have been stopped at the borders of this fine country and would have been turned back. As it stands I'm only surprised that the Labour government hasn't given it a work permit and a nice new council house.

BNP: Bloody foreign clouds coming over here, messing with our airlines. Wouldn't happen if we were in charge; we'd tell it to get back to where it came from.

and finally:

Sinn Fein: Free Ireland!