Tuesday, December 11, 2007

FangleMork, the god of blue tomatoes

inspired by the name used in a religious thread in p.o.t. that just tickled me (credit to Darren)

FangleMork, the god of blue tomatoes

1. Tomatoes are a fruit and thou shalt hold no other fruit before them.
2. All tomatoes are blue before the Lord, especially the red ones.
3. Thou shalt partake of the sacred fruit with every meal.
4. Thou shalt keep a piece of ground sacred for the growing of the fruit.
5. Thou shalt never throw the fruit in anger.
6 Catsup is an affront unto the Lord, for ketchup is the righteous sauce.
7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours' tomatoes, nor his ground, nor his gardening tools.
8. The seventh day is sacred unto me and shalt be a time to tend ones garden before having a nice cuppa and a bit of a sit down.
9. Thou shalt not create anything in the form of a tomato for it is a sacred form.
10. Thou shalt not have a tenth commandment as that's simply too derivative.

Of course you get the schisms where the Blue Tomatoists (left fork) believe the "cuppa" of the eight commandment should be tea and the Blue Tomatoists (right fork) who believe it to be coffee, not to mention the Blue Tomatoists (strange fork) who believe it should be both together.

Then you've the Church of the Fundamental Blue Tomato who pelt sinners with the sacred fruit with the understanding that is done "without anger, but love".

The Church of the Paradoxical Blue Tomato meditate on the the second commandment and form opinions on how red tomatoes are really blue.

The Holy Ketchup worshippers ensure that television and film productions feature at least one tomato or one bottle of ketchup, but never catsup. The militant-wing have been known to invade food shops and smash any catsup bottles they find, but have been disavowed by the Church.

For those interested in joining simply locate the tomato section of your food store (standing near ketchup will also suffice) and stare intently at the sacred fruit repeating the mantra "mmmmm blue"; you will soon be noticed by the correct people.