Michael Jackson

Newspapers around the world went into mourning today at the news that Michael Jackson The King of Pop had died on Thursday. "Why oh why oh why did he have to die yesterday" wailed one newspaper editor "Why couldn't it have been at the beginning of the week? We could have sold papers all week and now we're going to have to try to sustain interest in this over the weekend".

A psychiatrist examining the reaction of newspapers stated "I don't think they truly grasp the consequences of this event. For so long the newspapers have relied on Wacko Jacko stories to plug the gaps when copy is needed. I think when they realise the scale of this loss they're going to need some serious counselling... my rates are quite reasonable"

In an effort to stave off such mass depression Madonna announced that she would take up the slack by adopting five more children and forcing them to wear carnival masks in public while babbling about Kabbbala. When told this one editor simply wept "It just won't be the same".