Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Reprobate students

Students Debauchery
(transcript of the BCB News report)

[Studio]

SB: "Good evening I'm Some Bloke. Universities, our highest institutes of learning or pits of alcoholic debauchery? We sent Our Cameraman out on to the streets to see what he could find"

[Town scene]

OC: "I stand here on the streets of Gloucester site during one of the busiest months of the university calendar with no-one in sight. No male students roam these streets singing off-key or wearing traffic cones. No female student can be encouraged to 'show us your tits'. It is as if no university existed."

[shot changes to university]

OC: "A different pictures emerges once we enter the student accommodation area a little light music plays laughter can be heard, and students walk rather then stagger around the area. We headed up to one of the dorms and found students engaged in karaoke sessions, Quiz games and video game sports. Attempting to find the wild parties and scenes of drug abuse I engaged in conversation with some of those around."

Student 1: "Oh yeah I'd heard all the stories off the news, but just look around there's some alcohol around but everyone just wants to relax"

Student 2: "I'm here to learn. Sure I'm going to want to have some fun too, but you've got to get your priorities straight."

Student 3: "Yeah you get some who think it's their mission to cause a country wide shortage of alcohol, I think most of us find that a bit sad really"

OC: "There you have it students today are in fact a bit boring, now back to Some Bloke in the studio"

[Studio]

SB: "Thank you Our, I have with me now Lord Huffington-Pipesmoker. Lord Pipesmoker what do you make of this report"

LHP: "I'm shocked, shocked and disappointed. Where were the students throwing up in the street, urinating in corners and singing at the tops of their voices? Where were the scantily clad girls baring their bottoms? It's disgusting. I remember on my first day we were rounded up by the seniors and forced to drink whisky shots until we couldn't stand up; ah good old days.

SB: "Would you say that action needs to be taken to curb these impulses?"

LHP: "Indeed I would. By acting in this manner they deprive both the older generation and news agencies such as your good selves vital moaning material about today's youth. It must be remembered also that these young men and women represent the future of this country, without regular orgies and drug taking how are they to work off their exuberances and be fit for the monotonous grind that is daily life?"

SB: "Do you think they'll be maladjusted then?"

LHP: "Indubitably. Without those experiences I expect few, if any, will attempt in their later years to recapture those moments by sneaking out of the house and visiting a lady of ill-repute who's dressed only in oiled leather... pierced with shiny, hard studs... whipping their bare buttocks with a soft whip while telling me that I'm a bad, bad boy... ah that they're bad, bad boys... or girls. Anyway I think the government should set up breathalysers at the entrances to every lecture hall and set a minimum blood alcohol limit for admittance, that'd set things straight no question about it."

SB: "Thank you Lord Huffington-Pipesmoker I'm afraid that's all the time we have left. Next week Media Hysteria, are news agencies getting desperate for stories and hyping up any old rubbish in an effort to attract viewers and pander to their preconceptions? I've been Some Bloke and this has been Pointless"

[A post inspired by "A wee tipple"]

4 comments:

Dan H said...

Ha. You have been getting post ideas from me, haven't you? After I wrote on the same subject I spoke to Mum about it. She said her reaction on seeing the BBC report was, "Well, they're grown adults, aren't they? If someone tells them to put plastic bags on their heads while some [here she used an unladylike term] prances up and down in a Nazi uniform shouting at them, why don't they just tell them to [and here a somewhat descriptive action I'm sure she wouldn't mention in polite company]?" The real news story, she said, is why are we letting people stupid enough to act like that into our universities?

Interestingly enough, for me the biggest source of pressure to drink more is my family. More than one of my uncles were dismayed at my modest drinking habits, and when I go to the pub with my dad, he just keeps queueing up drinks for me because I can't keep up with him. (He has somewhat more body mass than me. That's my excuse, anyway.)

FlipC said...

"Ha. You have been getting post ideas from me, haven't you?"

Yup hence the link ;-)

Your mother's right including the ripe language, however it has to be pointed out that humanity is tribal in nature and thus there is some pressure on 'doing what everyone else does' and listening to those who've been doing 'it' longer especially during such a transitional period.

My main thought process on this though was "How is this news?" it seems to me to be yet another example of reporting something simply for the sake of allowing their elders to tut at them while raking in viewers. Can't blame them for that they're a business, um a government funded business.

Oh the drinks front you may or may not recall that I'm a modest drinker, mostly because pretty much everything apart from vodka tastes awful to me (and even then I tend to dilute it), but it is worrying how many seem to take that as some sort of challenge.

Heck even my father will try to ply me with wine at a dinner or such event. I'll pick up his glass, sniff at the contents, and put it back down with a "No thank you". "But you haven't even tasted it" he'll repeat until I taste it and confirm my original response.

My uncle (not Bratii Pater) kept trying to 'tempt' me with beer on which my opinion hadn't altered since the age of six; and yet "Can I get you a beer?" was a typical greeting; he's got the message now after nearly 20 years.

Dan H said...

Actually, my bandmates are quite bad as well. Musicians' reputation for liking a few drinks is well deserved. Their current quest is to get me to drink beer. I'm not a beer drinker as it all tastes like frothy sweat to me: my preferred tipple is 51, which you can't get over here, so I'm usually on gin when we go for the weekly post-rehearsal drinks. Anyway, we're going to Heidelberg next April, so beer-drinking is on the cards, and they are trying to "train" me up for it. As long as we find a schnapps bar I'll be happy.

FlipC said...

Frothy sweat... hmm not a bad description.