Oh the weather outside is frightful (refrain)

London: The fog has now blanketed the South of England in its clammy embrace for an entire two days running causing chaos in Britain. Roads are reaching saturation, aeroplanes are being grounded, and train companies are being accused of operating like businesses by charging more for last-minute tickets. Our national newspapers are taking a measured and reasoned approach to the situation - the front page of the Daily Wail asks "Fog: How it affects your house price", The Daily Hexpress leads with "Did fog kill Diana?", The Gordonian states "Global warming causes fog", the Bun holds a "Miss Fog" competition and the Daily Cavort claims "Elvis seen in fog bank!".

Under this media onslaught the Prime Minister, the Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, today appointed a Fog Czar whose £300,000 annual wage will be earned "Examining areas of potential fog creation" and "proposing measures to deal with outbreaks of fog across the nation". The intelligence services have been roped in to assist and have already produced a detailed report "Fog and essential services" "Fog and its links to Al-Qaeda", which will be forwarded to our American allies to aid in the fight against terror.

Unable to cope police have asked for the assistance of the armed forces in areas of high density, and already highly trained squads of armed young men are standing in formation and huffing fiercely at particularly stubborn patches of fog. Already reports of dissatisfaction amongst the troops is being reported and questions have been asked by the Leader of the Opposition regarding if this is really a good use for our troops and whether they are being supplied with the correct equipment to tackle this menace. Mr David Cameron MP has also pledged that should the Conservatives regain power that they will reduce fog levels by up to 50% by provided forces with large solar-powered fans and that these fog levels have only occurred during the governance of the Labour Party obviously due to the mismanagement of the economy.

Normal service will resume once the fog lifts and everyone forgets about until next year.