Friday, July 27, 2012

Some women kisses some man; not her boyfriend

[From the news studio]

Tom: Breaking news some women in Los Angeles has been caught kissing some man; who isn't her boyfriend! Why are we even bothering to cover this Tom?
Tom: Well Tom turns out that all involved are famous so we'll turn to Tom who is live with a fan. Tom.

Tom: Thanks Tom I'm here with a fan of the celebrities in question, how do you feel?
Fan: I can't believe that Bella would do this to Edward after all the things they've been through together.
Tom: I thought their names were Kristen and Robert?
Fan: Huh?
Tom: Back to Tom in the studio.

Tom: Thank you Tom, I must admit I'm a little confused too, but here to help is Professor Tom of Tomtom University. Professor Tom good to have you here.
Prof: It's good to be here Tom.
Tom: Now Professor what just happened with this fan?
Prof: Well Tom is this is a phenomenon we're encountering more and more often the technical name for which is fictional cognitive disconnect plasticity.
Tom: And could you explain that to our vieweres Professor?
Prof: In layman's terms it's the inability to distinguish between reality and fiction; in this case the actors have been confused with the characters they play. The sufferer thinks they know the actors via the number of times they've seen them on the screen in photographs in glossy magazines and highly edited and controlled interviews. As such when the actors perform actions that differ from their characters sufferers of FCDP experience high levels of confusion.
Tom: That sounds serious.
Prof: Oh it can be and it's important that the news media does its best to alleviate this.
Tom: Well we're here for our viewers so what can we do?
Prof: Well first in any reports try to make no distinction between the actors and the characters they're most associated with. Insert the fictional names into reports to ease any sufferers over the hurdle. Try to match up events from their real lives to their fictional ones and whatever you do don't ask them "What the hell! You do realise they're just people whom you've never met and never interacted with in any meaningful manner beyond the superficial passive watching of them? How can you get so upset about this?".
Tom: Sounds easy enough, but what would happen to a FCDP sufferer should they be exposed to this level of insensitivity to their condition?
Prof: Ah well Tom in such cases a sufferer of FCDP would find themselves even more confused than they already are they might well start questioning everything they've been told and everything they've seen; drastically they might start wondering if broadcasts that purport to be accurate news stories were in fact true and that could have disastrous effects for certain news channels and outlets.
Tom: Scary stuff indeed, thank you Professor. Now back to Tom for the latest in the Kristen and Edward saga.
Prof: That's the way to do it.


Orphi said...


FlipC said...

Oh I so wish I could.

Behind the scenes titbit:

Fan: It's all so confusing I followed the strong moral message set by Bella - to be an emotional dishrag passively hanging around until some strong man with repressed violent tendencies comes along to tell me what to do; but now with all this I just don't know what to do.
Tom: Think for yourself?
Fan: Huh?