Election leaflets - Conservative

Two from the Conservatives a general with a bit of county European one and a pure county one. Both three-part fold-outs. Starting with the general one.

Cameron behind a lectern with "Vote for Change" emblazoned both upon it and behind him. Cameron is caught mid-speech, but it leaves him looking as if someone's swiped his glass mid-gulp. Anyway we're British we don't do 'change'.

Inside and still with "It's time for change" really? "The longer Labour are in, the worse it gets" hmm kind of reminiscent of another government don't you think? Underneath we have a selection of newspaper headlines two from the Daily Mail, three from the Daily Express, one from the Sun (or to be precise (sun.co.uk), one from the News of the World and finally one from the Daily Telegraph; so no inherent bias there. At the bottom of all that is a two-headed Brown contradicting himself as to the EU referendum we are/aren't getting "Make Labour's next U-turn an EU-turn" oh very good.

Next page and oh not again "Change in Europe" Yeesh David why don't you just marry Barack. Apparently we need members who will stand up for Britain and put our interests first - so you're advocating a vote for UKIP then? Then a list of all the good European things the Conservatives have done with a tick and a cross under the Labour heading, sadly they've had to add one tick in the LibDem column and seem to miss out UKIPs entirely; is that because they'd be identical?

Under this they expand on some of the points above while adding in new ones I liked "Protecting British Consumers" by limiting mobile roaming charges - so that's the Conservatives protector of the little people against the big bad corporations... eh? Most fun was "Taking a lead in reforming MEPs' Pay and Expenses" and not just because of the correct use of an apostrophe, but then you can guess why I found that so amusing.

Then a bit of local stuff for in "Worcestershire" which is of course wrong because our designated European classification is "West Midlands" which is what they've written on the map they provided presumably in case we didn't know where we live. Five points next to it and three use the words "British" need I bother. Also a sprinkling of local photos around the map - see we're local.

Then our candidates themselves, no bios and I've never heard of any of them despite two already being MEPs.

Fold-out is a photo of David with some NHS nurses captioned "David Cameron talking with NHS nurses. Conservatives are campaigning for improvements to our Health Service" Presumably by privatising it all? Anyway full marks for talking with rather than talking to. Underneath is, once again, "Plan for Change" sigh. "Our Positive Plans" hmm does that imply you have negative plans too? Okay a missive from David himself - Voting's important, Brown's an oath-breaker and this'll show him what you think; we've got a plan, but you need to vote for us to find out what it is. I'm guessing it has something to do with the word change.

Back page is purely Worcestershire stuff and how they've helped us by opening new markets, cutting red tape, allowing farmers to use dangerous pesticides... no sorry allowed farmers to use perfectly safe pesticides that EU scaredy-cats are frightened of. They helped the flood victims by gettings getting lots of money for our area, but nobody can use it because of boo-hiss government failings. Oh and they've stopped our sheep from being forceably tagged, presumably saving it up for one super-tagging system where we all get one.

Local county leaflet next.

Green field and a tree, wait that's the Conservatives logo, oh how clever. "For Better Services and Lower Taxes"... yeah sorry how does that work? We pay in less and get more out, you must really be super efficient.

Oh it folds out upside-down I pick up the field page and unfold it down and it's upside-down, unfold it up and it's correct, hmm. So the front page with the field is a simple set of boxes with quick and easy points. Our Conservative led county council is apparently the best performing council in the West Midlands - god help us all.

Then a little graph about the nasty tax raises the county has had under the Labour/LibDems as opposed to the Conservatives nice gap of four years between the two when no-one had overall control. I've been trying to find a year-by-year history of county councillors and all I can get are the standard 4-year elections that show the Conservatives being the majority party since 1997, which is when the graph starts. Ah silly me those pernicious Labour and LibDems joined forces to scupper the sensibly low tax rises proposed by the Conservatives. Also interesting in that there are all tax rises surely a Conservative-led county council would be looking for tax falls?

Okay some fluff about all the great things the Conservatives have done the first set are a bit unquantifiable such as "Ensuring that local people feel safe and secure in their communities" by encouraging thugs to target visitors?

They've also improved "investment in rail and bus services" sorry who's invested? These are after all private enterprises. "Helping to create the skills needed for a 21st Century workforce" teaching basic pronunciation of "Do you want fries with that?". Oo and they've provided an extra £3m for pavements and £2m for flooding, note providing not spending and doesn't indicate exactly where in the county this is being provided for.

Turn over and our two prospective Conservative County councillors John Holden and Mike Salter... "Strong voices for Stourport Division" hmm both District councillors for Mitton who seemed to take several years to realise that a brand-new housing estate had opened up in their ward that needed some help.

"Your priorities are our priorities" well that's a bit presumptuous isn't it? "Continuing to Find Ways To Tackle Anti-Social Behaviour"... noooooo! "Oppose Regional Government's House Building Proposals" um why?

Things they've achieved - hmm are these things they've proposed or simply voted for in council? Was it them who got the new lights for Raven Street? Odd because a Google search of wyreforestdc.gov.uk produces no minutes detailing the proposals? Ah well.

Finally a message from the pair of them. Proud, blah, vice-chair, blah, influence issues in my community, blah, Deputy Mayor, blah, Vote for us.

Meh.