Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Search terms

Ah search term time. In some cases I hope I have provided information, in others I doubt I had what they were looking for. Not to fear FlipC is here.

"2007 + annoying + tele" and "annoying television" - yes it was.
"artie ziff sweet dreams" - 'I am watching you through a camera'.
"bbc breakfast "wet hair" colds" - complete rubbish.
"ben shepherd replaces andrew castle" - no he hasn't.
"blizzard of obscenity" - um.
"blue tomatoes" - welcome fellow Fanglemorkian
"bmi of johnny wilkinson" about 28... fatty, fat, fat.
"bush and use of apostrophes" - woah there he's still got to master basic English.
"can't switch to pistol in hl2" - Remember you can't switch to a weapon that has no ammunition.
"causes of climate change" - just you, that's right it's all your fault.
"cement how mad" - yes it is.
"colour for beginners cmyk and rgb" - differ in whether the colour is caused by reflective light (such as print on a paper) or emittive light (on a television or monitor)
"cadbury 'not chocolate'" and related - Unless it's Australian because Cadbury's Australia don't skimp on chocolate; they save the skimping for the UK.
"85233 boltblue" and "stop to 85233" and "text cost to 85233" and "why is my son getting texts from 85233" - It's nothing to do with us as your provider, you must have signed up for it (even though you didn't).
"curry weee" - yes they are taking it, a bit like the current O2 advert where you can sign up and keep your number wow, how kind of them. It only took ombudsmen, watchdogs and the government a few years to force telcos to allow number portability (after years of being told it wasn't possible); so it's nice that O2 will let you do this.
"downside of smartcycle" - it gets tiring apparently.
"dvb t2" and others - yep the fantastic acronym that means your new digital television will stop getting freeview after about 2012.
"fearne cotton foot and ankle tattoo" - yes she's a wild child, but if you're looking to get a tattoo you can do better.
"fiona phillips screen caps" - whatever floats your boat and at least you don't get any audio.
"flashearth" - or you could just visit their site which is www.flashearth.com
"funniest things typed" - why thank you.
"getting straight 2 with stonie" - um
"hannah spearritt underwear images" - seriously how old is she - 10?
"has the eggheads ended?" - well Dermot's defected and they seem to be showing repeats so...
"+hell +buildings +'google earth'" - I don't think they've got that far, though I think they're processing the heaven images as we speak.
"highway code parking on paths" - bad highway code it shouldn't park on paths.
"housing price crash" - panic, panic now.
"inconvenient truth rubbish" - just mostly, shame he didn't go all green when he was vice-president and actually wielded some sort of power.
"'is a supermarket a class a1 business'" - yes.
"jak 3 ps3 compatibility" - should be fine you could check on the UK Sony site if it wasn't so SHIT, so try the US one here. Remember to choose the "80Gb" option first.
"jericho-ps3" - boring demo, I'm not buying it.
"kidnapping for fun companies" - Can be found next to 'Kidnapping for Dummies' and 'How to Get (rid of) a Celeb's body'.
"lui bai chang" - a nice man who just wants you to help him in defrauding his government. Just send him your bank details you can trust him as much as you can trust anyone trying to defraud his government and can't get your name correct..
"+middenheim +map -ashes" - still haven't found my copy yet damnit!
"no smacking signs" - just because you see a sign you don't like doesn't mean you can hit it.
"older women from the currys advert" - probably Karen Admiraal.
"orange box ps3 theme music" - it's the Episode 2 theme a soundtrack list is here
"pic of someone going mad" - sorry depends on context.
"playstation 3 80gb list unplayable games" - oh no that would be too easy you have to go here instead.
"possible earth type planet" - the only ones that'll have life according to the non-biology degree holding astrophysicists
"putting your address on your website" - not a good idea.
"romanians" - related to the Vulcans, oh wait that's Romulans.
"silent hill ps3 compatibility" - they all work now - YES! Except for some small faults.
"somerfield vs co-op" - there's only one way to find out; FIGHT!
"soul reaver 2 ps3 compatibility" - I've had no problems so far.
"susannah reid caps" - three kids; wow.
"the gadget show helicopters" - and all the others yep they're the "picoz sky challenger battle pack" do a search for those to find the best deal.
"thermonuclear warheads and nailclippers" - don't take either on to a plane, should be fine on a cruise ship though.
"tickled by police" - no that's 'tasered by police'.
"utopia by thomas more discusion" - Greek meaning 'no place'; satire.
"what is tesco supermarket" - A family friendly company bringing back the traditions of the small corner-shop despite the narrow-mindset of the luddites who for some reason object to having a bohemothic structure parked just outside their town sucking the lifeforce from it like a lamprey.
"what's it called when you use the wrong word?" - So many choices you can have 'Freudian slip' where you say what you think, a 'Spoonerism' where you switch word parts around, or the most common 'a mistake'.
"women in shampoo adverts" - don't they always have such long hair, have you ever seen a women in a shampoo advert with short hair?


Invisible said...

Dude… OMG! This is epic!

Did you really get all those as search term hits? Man, I wish I could check my web logs…

FlipC said...

"Did you really get all those as search term hits?"

Nope I had more; 477 in total for 17/12 - 16/17 :-) Some variants on a theme; quite a number for HD/SD.

As for monitoring logs just sign up to Google and paste the analytics code in your template it's a cakewalk.